'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Probably not Actually Words but Really Bloody Should Be'
Heddybo (noun/adj/v)
alt. Heddiboh
Herdeeber
Hurdibew
Definition: Whilst the true meaning of Heddybo has been lost to the annuls of history - officionados believe that it is an Old English word used to replace any lyric within a song in order to turn said song into a club remix ala Vic Reeves.
The etymological origins of Heddiboh are shrouded in mystery, however scholars have traced it as far back as 1980's 'Hi De Hi' star, Paul Shane.
Reports of a great resurgence in the use of Heddybo in the popular vernacular in certain parts of Slough Town Centre circa 2000/2002, suggest that it was supremely versatile in its usage; although largely considered a profanity.
Current usage is less widespread although the war cry, 'Herdeeberrrrrrrrrrrrr' can still be heard in parts of Bristol to this day.
and now for....
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Flibbertigibbet (noun)
Definition: Scatterbrained - chattering, flighty, gossiping person - usually associated with young women
Example: (From the mouth of my lovely Grandmother) "Well she is a bit of a flibbertigibbet"
Did you know this word was in danger of being removed from the Oxford English Dictionary? It was considered obsolete - like many other words: aerodrome, deliciate, for example... all perfectly delightful words - people just don't use them anymore, so they get removed from dictionaries and forgotten about... so sad.
My Grandma still uses Flibbertigibbet quite regularly... so it must still be a word - my Grandma says so!
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter Æ and the number 17 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: IMDB and Dictionary.com
Friday 29 June 2012
Wednesday 27 June 2012
Sasquatch!
I am so angry with back pain and gibbering monkey women that I cannot make fancy words happen.... Grrrrrrraaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh!
So instead have a picture of a kitten's lovely furry belly.... I just want to bury my face in it until the whole of the rest of the world fucks right off and takes my back pain with it.
There is a good chance that I might be slightly delerious from all the painkillers I'm taking as a direct result of the aforementioned back pain and gibbering monkey women.
So now for....
'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Probably not Actually Words but Really Bloody Should Be'
Floof (noun)
Definition: The kind of fur only found on the bellies of baby mammals... it is the single greatest contributory factor in mankind's irrational desire to pet baby creatures...especially those with claws and teeth... baffling!
I thank you.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter 'sweet jeeping fuck this is painful' and the number of a local doctor. No websites were harmed in the making of this particular entry.
So instead have a picture of a kitten's lovely furry belly.... I just want to bury my face in it until the whole of the rest of the world fucks right off and takes my back pain with it.
 |
| Belly floof, belly floof, tra la la la la... |
There is a good chance that I might be slightly delerious from all the painkillers I'm taking as a direct result of the aforementioned back pain and gibbering monkey women.
So now for....
'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Probably not Actually Words but Really Bloody Should Be'
Floof (noun)
Definition: The kind of fur only found on the bellies of baby mammals... it is the single greatest contributory factor in mankind's irrational desire to pet baby creatures...especially those with claws and teeth... baffling!
I thank you.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter 'sweet jeeping fuck this is painful' and the number of a local doctor. No websites were harmed in the making of this particular entry.
Tuesday 26 June 2012
Aqua Waffles
Source of Anger and Frustration No. 4
The stark and quite unbelievable hypocrisy of our beloved Prime minister, Mr David Cameron.
Now, I am not a fan of tax avoidance - at all. It's naughty and damaging to the economy (which, lets be honest, is hardly the healthiest it has ever been)...
However, if, as a higher rate tax payer, your well paid accountant asks you if you would like to pay less tax for services that you will NEVER use and it is all perfectly legal, would you say no?.... No, of course you wouldn't... because that would make you somewhat foolish and fiscally irresponsible.
NO ONE WOULD DO THIS.
It may be morally questionable, certainly, and the brow beaten Jimmy Carr has apologised unreservedly, been ridiculed on national television and taken the acerbic comedy beating that he quite arguably deserves.
What he does not deserve is to have the Prime minister publicly comment on the moral issues of this case. The Prime minister whose family made its wealth in offshore bank accounts. The Prime minister who is supposed to be running the country and the economy and should therefore have the power to change the legal loopholes that allow this kind of tax 'avoidance.' Where the hell does he get off suggesting that higher rate tax payers should act 'morally?' It's a fucking joke. Does Cameron genuinely believe that all the enormo-corporations that fund his party are acting in a moral fashion, all sunshine and fucking roses?
The most annoying thing about all of this, is that it's making me get political...and now I feel like a thin layer of grease has taken up residence over my skin and I'm getting all shrill and Guardian reading.
So - alternative words and phrases for Mr Cameron at present:
- Hypocrite
- Slimy, blind sleaze machine
- Baffling circular poop slinger
- Snake
- The thrower of boulders in his house made of glass
I thank you.
... and now for
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Curmudgeon (noun)
Definition: Bad tempered - grouchy, miserly person - often attributed to older males.
Example: Worry not about the old curmudgeon in the corner, for while his appearance and mannerisms may be that of a foul tempered old coot, he has been known to take great pleasure in many an activity; Elephant wrangling, baby juggling, kitten drowning, youth disillusioning ... you know, the usual.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter ë and the number 0.2310 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com
Friday 22 June 2012
Merlin's Beard!
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Torpor (noun)
Definition: Lethargy - sluggish inactivity or inertia
Example: In its constant state of torpor, I wonder if the droning land slug would notice if I shoved a gallon of scalding maple syrup into its gaping maw to quiet the monotonous sound for but a moment - or even be able to lift its bulbous head in scant objection to being bundled into the back of a van, set upon by wolves and unceremoniously left in a shallow grave by the side of the M32.
'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are not Really Words and probably Shouldn't be used as such'
Aks (verb used with object)
Definition: Mispronunciation of the word 'ask.'
The Issue: The mispronunciation is such that it is actually harder to say. It does not make you sound like a bad boy yardy, it makes you sound like an idiot - stop it.
Thank you for your time.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter à and the number 2,764 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Thesaurus.com and Dictionary.com
Tuesday 19 June 2012
and there were Mammoths on the Moon
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Lascivious (adj)
Definition: Inclined to lustfulness - wanton
Example: Gosh! I say old man, cast your wandering eye over those lascivious little strumpets. From the sartorial cues on display, I would hazard a guess and say they were both willing supplicants raring to mount our hearty stallions and ride them through the night.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter þ and the number 25 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com
Lascivious (adj)
Definition: Inclined to lustfulness - wanton
Example: Gosh! I say old man, cast your wandering eye over those lascivious little strumpets. From the sartorial cues on display, I would hazard a guess and say they were both willing supplicants raring to mount our hearty stallions and ride them through the night.
 |
| Today we have another excellent visual example of the mythical beast |
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter þ and the number 25 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com
Saturday 16 June 2012
Chewing on the Kneecaps of the Unjust
Source of Anger and Frustration No. 3
During the week the story of a State Legislator who used the word 'vagina' in a lively debate about the changing abortion laws in Michigan and was subsequently banned from ever speaking on the house floor again, was brought to my attention. I have no desire to get into the politics behind this decision nor the issues surrounding it - this hardly seems like the appropriate forum to do so, but it did get me thinking about an age old niggle of mine.
There are just no widely accepted words for the love purse. While we are all happy to wax lyrical about male genitalia in all its semantic alter-egos, we do not afford such courtesy to the smoothest of all otter's pockets. If anatomically correct medical terminology can render such a dramatic response, what alternatives are open to the linguistically acrobatic?
May I suggest some of the following:-
Help me out here people.
and now for....
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Machiavellian (adj)
Definition: Pertaining to the political methodology of Machiavelli - using subtle cunning and deceit in order to further one's own purpose.
Example: One would be wise not to underestimate the Machiavellian nature of the common horse - it is only a matter of time before the revolution begins... be prepared people, be prepared.
I thank you
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter © and the number 0.000000073 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com and Jezebel
During the week the story of a State Legislator who used the word 'vagina' in a lively debate about the changing abortion laws in Michigan and was subsequently banned from ever speaking on the house floor again, was brought to my attention. I have no desire to get into the politics behind this decision nor the issues surrounding it - this hardly seems like the appropriate forum to do so, but it did get me thinking about an age old niggle of mine.
There are just no widely accepted words for the love purse. While we are all happy to wax lyrical about male genitalia in all its semantic alter-egos, we do not afford such courtesy to the smoothest of all otter's pockets. If anatomically correct medical terminology can render such a dramatic response, what alternatives are open to the linguistically acrobatic?
May I suggest some of the following:-
- Lady Garden
- Muff
- Foof
- Axe Wound
- Smashed Pasty
- Mimsy
- Hermetically Sealed Shame Basket (This may be my new favourite phrase)
- Love Cave
- Beef Curtains
- Piss Flaps
- Spouse Hole
- Honey Pot
- Cunt (yeah I went there - I'm taking it back - what of it?)
Help me out here people.
and now for....
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Machiavellian (adj)
Definition: Pertaining to the political methodology of Machiavelli - using subtle cunning and deceit in order to further one's own purpose.
Example: One would be wise not to underestimate the Machiavellian nature of the common horse - it is only a matter of time before the revolution begins... be prepared people, be prepared.
I thank you
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter © and the number 0.000000073 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Dictionary.com and Jezebel
Friday 15 June 2012
Space Weasels!
Source of Anger and Frustration No. 2:
The cretinous mound of pedestrian horse flesh that is Jan Moir.
(For those of you who may be unaware of her existence - she writes lengthy, ill informed, unsubstantiated and largely bigoted diatribes for a British tabloid 'newspaper' - her latest one about how women who cry in the work place are weak and pathetic and should all be more like unfeeling robots if they want to stand shoulder to shoulder with the men folk, really caught my attention)
Alternative words and phrases:
and now for...
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Beguiling (adj)
Definition: Charming or enchanting - perhaps with an air of deceit or dishonesty.
Example: The beguiling smile of the giant arachnid would entice the children in so he could gnaw on their tiny toes while they slept.
Real Life Example (as demonstrated by a certain Pixie nary a week ago in response to a comment made by a certain pair of sideburns about the lovely lady bassist in this band ):
Pixie: "Beguiling? Fucking Beguiling? I'll give you fucking beguiling. You have such a go at me about describing your work colleague as 'handsome' and you go and describe her as 'beguiling'?!?!? Beguiling is WAY worse than handsome. Fucking beguiling"
Sideburns: "I appreciate that I may be operating a bit of a double standard here"
Pixie: "I will fight you. Fucking beguiling"
(Please note that this should be read aloud in a shrill and incredulous voice, except that last bit - that should be done in a low and sinister voice - it's best if you imagine you are in public while this is happening... for authenticity)
and now for a new feature....
'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Not Really Words and Probably Shouldn't be used as such'
Irregardless
Definition: A ridiculous melding of regardless and irrespective - both of which are perfectly lovely and usable words that actually exist. Now I am all for the evolution of language and fully support it, new words come into common usage regularly and this is to be applauded - however, adding two letters on to the front of a word that already exists and having it mean exactly the same thing, is not evolution - it's silly!
Thank you for your time.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter µ and the number 3.14159265 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: The Free Dictionary
The cretinous mound of pedestrian horse flesh that is Jan Moir.
(For those of you who may be unaware of her existence - she writes lengthy, ill informed, unsubstantiated and largely bigoted diatribes for a British tabloid 'newspaper' - her latest one about how women who cry in the work place are weak and pathetic and should all be more like unfeeling robots if they want to stand shoulder to shoulder with the men folk, really caught my attention)
Alternative words and phrases:
- Squawking Banshee
- Skittering Devil Woman
- Creature from the Tabloid Lagoon
- Screeching She-Witch
and now for...
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Beguiling (adj)
Definition: Charming or enchanting - perhaps with an air of deceit or dishonesty.
Example: The beguiling smile of the giant arachnid would entice the children in so he could gnaw on their tiny toes while they slept.
Real Life Example (as demonstrated by a certain Pixie nary a week ago in response to a comment made by a certain pair of sideburns about the lovely lady bassist in this band ):
Pixie: "Beguiling? Fucking Beguiling? I'll give you fucking beguiling. You have such a go at me about describing your work colleague as 'handsome' and you go and describe her as 'beguiling'?!?!? Beguiling is WAY worse than handsome. Fucking beguiling"
Sideburns: "I appreciate that I may be operating a bit of a double standard here"
Pixie: "I will fight you. Fucking beguiling"
(Please note that this should be read aloud in a shrill and incredulous voice, except that last bit - that should be done in a low and sinister voice - it's best if you imagine you are in public while this is happening... for authenticity)
and now for a new feature....
'The Pixie's Guide to Words that are Not Really Words and Probably Shouldn't be used as such'
Irregardless
Definition: A ridiculous melding of regardless and irrespective - both of which are perfectly lovely and usable words that actually exist. Now I am all for the evolution of language and fully support it, new words come into common usage regularly and this is to be applauded - however, adding two letters on to the front of a word that already exists and having it mean exactly the same thing, is not evolution - it's silly!
Thank you for your time.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter µ and the number 3.14159265 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: The Free Dictionary
Thursday 14 June 2012
Sobriety is Overrated
I have also decided to include a 'Word of the Moment' section in to this steaming pile of linguistic excrement in order to attempt to make it a little bit more literary.
This word may be one that is not used nearly enough in conversation, one that is used regularly but incorrectly, one that I or my fellow silly heads have made up just for funzies (exhibit A), one that I had never even heard of or perhaps just one that I like the sound of...
Thus, I present to you *drum roll please*
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Verisimilitude (noun)
Definition: Authenticity - appearing or having the appearance of being true
Example: "The verisimilitude of the following statement should not be underestimated: I will set you on fire and chargrill your first born if you chew with your mouth open infront of me again, you droning land slug"
I thank you.
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter F and the number 19 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Your Dictionary and Thesaurus.com
This word may be one that is not used nearly enough in conversation, one that is used regularly but incorrectly, one that I or my fellow silly heads have made up just for funzies (exhibit A), one that I had never even heard of or perhaps just one that I like the sound of...
Thus, I present to you *drum roll please*
'The Pixie's Word of the Moment'
Verisimilitude (noun)
Definition: Authenticity - appearing or having the appearance of being true
Example: "The verisimilitude of the following statement should not be underestimated: I will set you on fire and chargrill your first born if you chew with your mouth open infront of me again, you droning land slug"
I thank you.
 |
| I didn't even know that 'extirpation' was a word - brilliant! |
The Pixie's Thesaurus of Rant was brought to you today by the letter F and the number 19 and the flagrant abuse of the following websites: Your Dictionary and Thesaurus.com
Wednesday 13 June 2012
Within the Digestive Tract of the Mighty Sarlacc
Source of Anger and Frustration No 1:
The cavernous gaping maw that sits in my office and emits a constant dull whine while emanating an aura of vulgarity, ignorance and quiet bigotry.
Alternative Descriptive Words and Phrases :
Please feel free to help in my quest to become the world's most creative imparter of insults by leaving suggestions in the comments box.
I shall doubtelss revisit this subject as it is a constant source of underlying irritation... not unlike water torture, I should imagine.
The cavernous gaping maw that sits in my office and emits a constant dull whine while emanating an aura of vulgarity, ignorance and quiet bigotry.
Alternative Descriptive Words and Phrases :
- Fucking Moron
- Emotional Vampire
- Jabba the Bristolian Hutt
- Xenaphobic Idiot
- Vulgar and Common (this one does not sit well with me because it makes me feel like a snob - even though I have used this phrase repeatedly when discussing the subject at hand)
- Slackjawed, gibbering Daily Mail reader
- Gelantinous mass of indolent flesh
- Closed minded, bigoted, joy stealing, portion control avoiding, hidebound, thundercunt!
Please feel free to help in my quest to become the world's most creative imparter of insults by leaving suggestions in the comments box.
I shall doubtelss revisit this subject as it is a constant source of underlying irritation... not unlike water torture, I should imagine.
So it Begins....
 |
| I won't because this is an unsubstantiated rant about minor irritations - but this is funny. |
It turns out that I am an angry little Pixie.
Very angry indeed.
I am however terribly bad at dealing with my anger, expressing it in anything remotely approaching a healthy way and often even acknowledging it exists.
So I have decided to combine my love of language with my hatred of the human race as a whole, in this - my new specialist interest-ish blog.
I intend to combine anecdotes of whatever is making me angry at any given time with a list of new and exciting ways to describe them.
I intend this to be not only an exercise in expunging some long pent up frustration but also a means to flex my linguistic muscles and with any luck expand my creative insult based vocabulary.
To this end, I warmly invite you, the reader, to add suggestions to the vocabulary list so that we may all share in the wonder of language and communal spleen venting.
Trot on Smudgey.
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